how the relationship with your self influences your relationships with others

by Marissa Håkansson

You need to cultivate an authentic connection with yourself first, before you can genuinely connect with others. Because unless you feel grounded in who you are  - how can you be present and be truly attentive to someone else?

You might be highly skilled at communicating with someone on an intellectual level; but in order to develop a deeper connection, you’ll need to come from a more embodied and authentic place within yourself. This is true, regardless of the type of relationship.

Because too often, we create our relationships with others from a place of disconnection within ourselves. We are on autopilot: entering a relationship with our own agenda; getting stuck in our thinking and not being fully present with the other person.

When we are not truly present, we are only relating to a person based on their words and behaviours. With this habit, we are not coming from our ‘real’ self – and rarely do we see the other person for who they truly are.

In order to re-ignite a more present and authentic relationship with yourself and others, there are three things that you can do:

1. Be deeply present with yourself

Presence is a skill that can be cultivated. Practice being present to your own inner self (on all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually). Because the more present you are, the more aware you’ll become of how you’re moving and interacting with yourself, others and the world. As your ability to be present and aware of your self expands, so will your ability to be present and aware of others.

2. Be deeply present with others

When you’re connecting with someone else, all you need to do is be present with them. Be present from the whole of who you are: body, mind and soul. Listen to them not just from your mind, but from a deeper, more embodied place within you. Sense the truth of who they are, rather than only listening to what they are communicating with words and behaviours.

3. Communicate from your whole self

When you communicate with another person, do so from your whole self. Take time to pause and listen within first, and then speak from the core of who you are. This doesn’t mean you’re not thinking; just that you’re thinking with a more holistic approach. Because expression and words arise more naturally and authentically when they come from that deeper place within, rather than being directed by your thinking and mind alone.

If you’d like create more depth and authenticity in the relationship with your self and others, I invite you to reach out and connect or schedule a complimentary consultation. I’d be happy to support you.

Copyright © 2012 - 2014 Marissa Håkansson | Terms & Conditions

Selected photography by Heidi Pultar